Saturday, January 15, 2011

Warped fantasies

"Undress yourself and lie flat on your back." He said to me, his tone deceptively calm. I groaned inwardly, because I knew it was gonna come to this. I had even prepared myself - I had on a matching set of lingerie. The a.c hummed in the background and my heart thudded loudly in the room.
Years before, I had dreamt of this moment, and longed for this time with him. He hadn't changed much, and he hadn't shrinked much either. He was 6.3, with a footballers' build and a scientists' brain . He wasn't exactly the stop-and-stare kinda guy, but one was easily compelled to, stop and stare! He was my first, and my biggest crush ever. He was 28 when we first met and I was a sassy 12yr old. His family had recently moved into the flat adjacent ours and our parents had become fast friends. As he was an only child - a grown one, his parents loved having me around - to eat, play and just mess up the flat. His mom loved cleaning, and really needed me to mess things up.
We became buddies real quick - only then, he was uncle to me- and I shadowed his every step. I remember him pinching my ear when I called his then girlfriend, a heifer - a word I had heard him use a zillion times. I cringe everytime I replay that scene - aunty Nneka ceased playing with me that day.
He was errtin I dreamt of becoming. He was my role model, my bestfriend and my confidante, and I was the little sister he always wanted. Now that I think of it, I am certain the rogue knew I was crushing on him - he just never let on. About five years ago, they relocated to the U.S after they won a lottery - I swear if I could, I would've stowed away on their flight. I blatantly refused to say goodbye, and disappeared when it was time to go to the airport.

*Back to the present*

I was stalling. Waiting for something to happen. It was 13.15 and Obi, pardon me Dr. Obi had to go on his lunch break. There I was hopelessly daydreaming and killing time, when outside there was this long queue with seriously sick people waiting to see the good doctor. I don't know why I didn't wait to see my doctor - all I can say is, I was in a mad rush to get my checkup done.
"Nma-ma, this really doesn't have to be like this. Just take off your top, and bra, so I can check for lumps." He said to me again.
"But, why can't I see another doctor? I really don't want you to do this..." I answered, with a set expression on my face. I wasn't going to go through with it. No way! To have him see me, touch me? Lie lie! I'd rather reschedule and pay some more than sit through an intimate examination with Obi- whom I still had a crush on.
Chai! God na wa! I even had all the emails we sent each other in a saved folder called Obi - it was that bad jare.
I had followed...ermmmm... stalked him on facebook and twitter - with a phony ID ofcourse - so I knew he wasn't married, and that he had three kids - his daughter whom he named after me.
I just wanted him to know the adult me, maybe he would like me a little - wishful thinking!
I know him and he has always been drawn to the creme de la creme (am sorry my BB doesn't have the french language on it), and the almost wraith-like figures of models. He'd never notice me, not even if I wore only water.
So there I was once again, daydreaming of something that could NEVER be and spinning fantasies - talk about joblessness - when uncle Obi was sitting in our living room, with his wife and three children. Ever the entertainer, he was telling rib cracking jokes about his chinese suppliers.
They had just come in from lagos two nights before, to celebrate the ofala festival and they were staying with us -
seeing as he was dad's friend/business associate!


  1. How come you're this interesting and you have nill comments?
    Anyways, I found you on Nairaland, serendipity, and I'm glad I launched your blog.

    Looking forward to more material!

  2. Afrosays.....thank you!
    I just started and am hoping more people will read and gimme their opinions.
    Thanks for stopping by.