Thursday, January 13, 2011

random yakkings

Its odd how I let my fear of rejection cripple my dreams this past year. I know me, I am no coward- I have been called a bully many times sef!
In recent times, I have nutured some unhealthy addictions, and shamelessly endorsed the voices in my head.
"What if you fail?", "What if they don't like your looks", "What if you go out and all they hear is you croaking?" - voices, that fanned the flames of insecurity and zero confidence.
I adopted procastination as a slogan and made excuses for the half-alive state I was in - while inwardly wrestling the voices for control. My 30minutes of morning exercise dropped to 5minutes of skipping, and 25 minutes of walking about in a feeble attempt to convince myself I had exercised.
You know what they say, "99 days for the thief...." It took me a month to realise I was halfway on a fatal route to depression.
My recovery has been slow, but things are definately looking up.
I started blogging - writing sure reduces the voices in my head. I just checked out a music school and will apply to study with them, when I get to lagos. I don't exactly exercise right now- but my input < than before - hopefully that will be remedied soon. I have already chosen the songs I will perform for my next round of auditions - at the numerous music contests. I took up reading again, and believe me - well bubu and her boyfie helped - I think my writing has improved.
I am still the same person only, well only in a more organised package. So when next I run into O - who lives around my area and had the biggest lips in my department during our undergrad years - I am certain I will read shock, yea shock on her face. Its true, the old me don't live here anymore!

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