Thursday, January 27, 2011

hair troubles

I have tried everything: coaxed, yelled, and even threatened. Am at my wits end and this is my last resort.
L'ange kay,
Blackberry keypad,
MTN network,

Dearest hair,
Its obvious we are now at an impasse and there really is no plausible solution. Do you ever wonder what I go through each day, pretending you're not stunted and at hade's door? Do you know how distressing it is for me to wake up from the good dreams and vivid long hair fantasies to face your coarse strands?
Did you forget we've been together longer than we care to remember?
You've been strong and steadfast, through my queer days, wild moments and plain outrageous seasons, so why can't you hold on for some years longer? You alone know the lengths I have gone, for physical revival and renewal: from using tons of THE virgin hair fertilizer, to adding 'weed' in my hair cream - I have tried everything. You just don't seem satisfied, now tell me, what do you really want from me?
I have confessed and admitted to been disrespectul, thoughtless and even wicked to you, but shebi all that's in the past? Why can't we move past this moment, this time, eh? Why can't you see me for who I am now, the grown-up me, who needs you to comply, so all systems will be in perfect working conditions?
Do you know how much I paid the last time we went to green dolphin? Ofcourse you don't, how can you? They asked me to pay for a treatment - some serum, supposedly harnessed from brazil, a miracle working-healing oil- that would cure us from this wretched condition, for all I know, that vial, probably contained aloe vera gel and ori. It caused me way too much than I had budgeted, and yes, I had to 'bone' a lot of other stuffs. Do I sense a teensy bit of gratitude? NO- but then again, na your norm na!
I don try, but most especially, I don tire. I am writing this letter as my last resort, if we don't settle now, then we will surely go to trial - at papa chiboy's barbing saloon- next week. I am fed up. How can I keep professing a change when I don't feel it - I no b bObama abeg o! I promised myself, this year would turn out great, so I am taking no chances, at all. I am willing to put myself 'out there' if any good will come out of it, if the'd be any improvement in your health, but if you don't sit up, am afraid going to trial is gonna be the only option. I have had enough of your breaking off and lack of lustre.
Normally, I would've done papa chiboy a long time ago, but you know the contours, ridges and plains of my large head - and I think I will look a mite scary ( though halloween's quite far off). What happened to that talk we had at the last annual 'family' meeting? We swore an oath to be there for each other come what may this 2011. It seems the other side's bought you already. Where's the fealty and allegiance you pledged to me?
Yea, I knew it. How could I be so blind and absolutely stoopid? How could I not see what was clearly written in my very legible handwriting?
Apart from the very obvious fact that you don't have ears, and no mouth - this translates to, you can't hear me and things. I think I've officially joined the 'LOONY' tunes fanclub.
But then, this is what you make me do.
Please reply ASAP, a course of action has to be executed soon.
Yours, gravely agrieved


  1. u are definitely a clown!!!! lmao, i hope ur hair listens before it is taken to court

  2. Lol...there was no oda way jare. Unfortunately 'HE' didna listen....papa chiboy, here I come.